I had a minor freak out moment yesterday when I pulled up the preggy app on my phone, and saw this on the baby countdown: twelve weeks and one day.
Twelve weeks. Only twelve little weeks left before our world is turned upside down in the happiest of ways that a world can be turned upside down. Twelve weeks feels like…tomorrow. Like, don’t shut my eyes for even a second because when I open them, there will be a baby in my arms that is depending on me to feed and bathe and love and nurture him. I vacillate between wishing that I could merely shut my eyes and open them and have our baby in my arms…and then feeling like there is no way I’m totally ready for the little one’s arrival in only twelve weeks and that I should keep my eyes open so it doesn’t come too quickly. I feel ready, but I feel so unready.
Mostly I feel ready. And in the moments when I am starting to realize the enormity of what the birth of the little one will mean for me and for us, the changes and the challenges…when I start to have so many doubts about my ability to have a child and be a good mama…or when I start to feel anxious about not knowing what to do when my baby is crying or won’t sleep or feels sick…all it takes is one of those little kicks and punches in my belly for me to stop and feel the realization flood into my heart: this is what I was created for. God made me a mama, and because of that, I know that His grace will be there when it seems like it’s all falling apart and I have no ability on my own.
I’m still feeling great, and honestly, being pregnant has been one of the funnest things (er, well, since the first trimester). Some days I am hit with the reality of the pure sacredness of pregnancy and the incredible honor it is to carry this life in my womb. It feels so…holy. When I feel that little one moving and stretching inside me, it’s like I’m hit each time with the fact that there is A BABY IN THERE. My baby is in there.
One of the biggest thing I still struggle with so far is sleep, and I seem to take every other night or so and spend half of it wide awake. The baby is really active during the night, but that’s not necessarily what wakes me or keeps me awake…it just feels like raging hormones or some such other pregnancy thing. I used to get so frustrated with it, but then I realized that I will only have this little one inside of me for a few months longer and as much as I long for his arrival, this time right now is so special. So now I spend many of my waking night hours with my hands on the belly, feeling my child flipping and kicking around, just marveling and relishing the time I have with him inside of me. The nights still feel long sometimes, but in some ways, I love them.
We’re slowly getting the things we need…so far we have a carseat, stroller, and crib that we’ve purchased, and a few other essentials that family or friends have given to us. It still feels like we have a lot to do to be ready, but I know that it will all come together in the next few months. And if it doesn’t, this was my realization: all this baby really needs is love, food, and warmth. We already have all of that, ready and waiting.
What about you: did you struggle with sleep issues during pregnancy? Any remedies?
I’d love to hear your thoughts!
I've been struggling with insomnia too… One thing that's helped me, was beginning to take a health supplement [Prodovite]. I started taking it back in December for other reasons, but found it has really improved my sleep. I still have my nights — most often I'll wake up around 3:30 and then can't go back to sleep. I usually end up getting up & eating something, then reading on the couch until I fall asleep again. 🙂
Haha, 3:30 is usually my steady wake-up call too! I started taking a magnesium supplement a few months ago, since I had heard that can contribute to sleep issues…it seemed to help a little, but I think it's just one of those things that come with growing a baby. I often get up and get a snack too, since going to sleep while hungry is virtually impossible. 😉