Mother Love

It happened on Sunday.

We were out on a fun little family outing to Rochester, having lunch at my favorite cafe with three of my favorite people. It was a gorgeous day and I was wearing something I felt cute in and I had taken time to do a good curl job on my hair that morning and I was sipping my favorite maple latte that I ordered for the ride home. As we drove away from the cafe, I reached for my camera and started scrolling through the photos Ben had taken of Ayla and me that morning. We had went outside on the deck right before we left and the lighting was nice and Ayla was cooperative and hey, I felt pretty cute in my curls and dress. I just knew that for once I was going to look good in a photo. These were going to be great!

But as I scrolled through them, I felt myself sinking. And all these thoughts starting whirling through my head:

I look ridiculous.
My arms are so fat!
My face is so puffy!
My hair is so weird!
I am so not beautiful.

Suddenly, my whole day started to feel sour. These lies and accusations started pouring into my soul and it made me want to retreat from all that was going on around me. In that moment, I let myself start to internalize all these thoughts…because honestly they are so familiar that it feels strange to shove them away when they do come. I’ve learned a lot in the past two years about beauty and body image and the true source of identity…and most times the lies bounce right off. But then some days, I fall down really hard too.

As we drove, I just sat there in the passenger seat…pretending to be engaged in the conversation and fun. But inside, all I could think about was this:

…how can I make myself beautiful?

I started thinking of the ways that I should eat differently or watch more YouTube tutorials on hair and makeup or figure out how to dress more stylishly or start exercising obsessively. Somehow I had to change myself! I had to DO something, figure out that magic formula that would finally give me the beauty that I was craving and seemingly lacking. I found myself wanting to even get upset at Ben because he took the pictures and why didn’t he tell me that I was standing the wrong way and that my “good side” was facing away from the camera and if he would only use different angles when he’s shooting, I wouldn’t look so bad. But see, it didn’t have actually have anything to do with the angles…it was about my heart and the lies and faulty sense of identity.

This negative thought train lasted for twenty minutes before I suddenly realized what was happening…I was doing it again. I was believing the lie again that I was the one that could make me beautiful…that I was the one that controlled my beauty. But I was forgetting this truth…

…that I am made beautiful and nothing that I do or don’t do will make more or less so.

Beautiful is something a woman is.

No matter what kind of bodily imperfections or frizzy/weird hair or sense of style we have…it doesn’t change anything about who we are:: beautiful. stunning. lovely. Even if we don’t believe it, we are still:: beautiful. stunning. lovely.

So I sat in the car that afternoon and yelled ALICIA ROSE LAPP STOP IT RIGHT NOW to myself in my mind, and it helped. I stopped that negative train and turned my heart back to what is true and unchangeable. And the whole day turned gorgeous and bright again.

PS. I purposely picked the photos at the top of this post from the ones we took on Sunday. I also purposely picked ones that I didn’t think were good enough to be seen…ones with my “bad side,” my double chin, and strange hair part showing. I did that because it seemed like a good way to slap those silly lies in the face and to tell perfectionism that it doesn’t belong here anymore.

PPS. Read this. Just please read this.

PPPS. I’m also really sorry for the awful Britney Spears song reference…it just seemed like the right title for this post, ha!

What about you: do you find it easy to jump on that negative train about yourself? How do you help yourself jump off of it?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

We love our grill in the summer and use it for all kinds of things…kabobs, chicken, steak, veggies, burgers. I love the nights when Ben comes home and turns on the grill for dinner and we open the deck door and the smoke starts wafting in and it just smells so much like summer. What is it about food that is cooked outside that honestly just always tastes so much better?!

We love a good pizza around here and there is nothing better than a pizza made on the grill, in our opinion. Weekends especially just feel like the time for pizza, although we’re certainly not above having it for a week night meal too! I like to make the dough in the morning and let it sit on the counter for the day, taking sniffs of it as I walk by. Yeasty dough is such a comforting smell, right?

This past Friday, I had a few over-ripe peaches sitting in my fridge and decided that I wanted to do something different with them besides throw in the freezer or put them over yogurt or waffles to use them up. I’ve never used peaches for a savory dish and it was an intriguing idea. I browsed Pinterest for a little inspiration, but everything I found still seemed to be more of a sweet dish than a savory. Finally I came across the idea of a spicy peach bbq sauce and it sounded like a perfect addition to the grilled pizzas that were on the menu for dinner that night.

The sauce is a little sweet and a little spicy, and marries so well with the chicken and cheese we topped it with. Grilling this pizza is optional (although highly encouraged), and you could totally prepare this however you like to make your pizzas best.

Peach BBQ Grilled Pizza
click to print

Sauce:
4-5 large ripe peaches
1 small onion, chopped
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup red wine
1 T. soy sauce
1 T. honey
2 T. Dijon mustard
1/4 tsp. chili powder
1/8 tsp. dry mustard
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. garlic powder
1/2 tsp. paprika
1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper
hot sauce, to taste

Pizza:
pizza dough
rotisserie chicken
sauteed onions and peppers
shredded mozzarella cheese
cilantro, chopped for garnish

Prepare your pizza dough (i like to use either this one or this one).

For the sauce, saute the chopped onion in a saucepan until softened, stirring occasionally. Peel and chop the peaches. Add the peaches and the remaining ingredients to the saucepan once the onions are cooked. Simmer uncovered, stirring occasionally, until peaches are tenders, about thirty minutes. Puree the sauce in a blender.

To make the pizza, roll out your dough, grill on one side, remove the crust from the grill and load the cooked side with the sauce and toppings. Return pizza to the grill or finish in the oven until crust is cooked through. Garnish with cilantro.

Enjoy!

What about you: what is your favorite thing to grill in the summer? What’s your favorite way to eat peaches?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!