Mother Love

Hey dears! It was a busy weekend for us but we got so much done and it feels amazing.

We’ve been spending lots of time with Ben’s family this past week since his mom is here visiting from Thailand. We usually only see her once a year during the winter, but thanks to a family wedding, we get to see her during the summer this year too! We met the family at the park on Friday night for Seneca Farms chicken and fruit pies for dessert and watched the kids chase seagulls and had lively conversations. One of the things I love most about my in-law family is the freedom to talk about anything and even if you disagree about something, you can still passionately expound on your point of view and at the end of the conversation, we all still love and appreciate each other.

Saturday was a big packing and loading day for us. Ben and I both woke up early and sat on the deck with hot teas to watch the sunrise…probably the last one we’ll see like that before we move. We talked about how much we loved living in this home and how much we’ll miss our lake view and how much of a blessing the two years spent in this spot was for us. But we also talked about how excited we are to be in our new home and create new memories and have new experiences.

Ben’s sister and her family are actually the ones buying our house from us, which is so nice! It’s great to keep the house (which ben’s mom actually built) in the family and know that it will be taken care of and we can visit again. We spent Saturday loading up our furniture, bedroom, and other big items in our moving sheds, and unloading Myron and Joleen’s stuff into the basement where most of it is stored until we officially move out on Thursday. They have a camper parked in the backyard and are staying in there until we leave, and we make funny jokes about our little family commune, hehe. Now I basically just have the kitchen and our personal stuff to pack up this week, and my mom will be coming up on Tuesday to help me finish up, so woot! It’s happening.

We spent Saturday evening at farewell party for one of our friends who’s leaving to work at the same boys camp that Ben did a few years ago (which is when we met!), and it was such a beautiful evening with friends and grilled steaks and homemade ice cream to top it all off. Ayla made it through most of the evening before the busy day and activity and short naps caught up to her…she was so exhausted, bless her heart.

Ben left in the early morning on Sunday for a work conference in San Diego, so Ayla and I spent the day being as relaxed and low-key as we could. The family came over for lunch and then spent the rest of the day just hanging out at the house. The kids got out water balloons and we grilled hamburgers for supper and sat in the yard and then called in an early bed time. The past week has been a full one and Ayla hasn’t been sleeping as well at night…I think just all the stuff going on makes her a little more unsettled or something. She won’t be awake for long but then I just have a hard time getting back to sleep. All this excitement, you know! So we catch some extra sleep when we can.

Have a great week, dears!

Here are five things I love:

– this funny thing
– this cool tip
– this inspiring article
– this pretty necklace set
– THESE POPSICLES

What about you: what is your ideal weekend?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

I never knew I would love being a mama like I do.

I never knew the sense of fulfillment and satisfaction that my days full of nursings, diaper changes, snuggles and kisses, sleepy grins, pudgy toes and fingers, and even the inevitable fussing and crying would give me. I mean, I knew I wanted babies and children of my own…I knew I would probably enjoy it to a certain degree and that I would feel fulfillment in my place as a mama. I knew it would probably feel pretty amazing to look my child in the eyes and see half of me and half of my husband looking right back at me. I knew it would it would be a joy to parent alongside my best friend and baby daddy. I knew I would love to be called a mama.

But I never knew how much.

Now granted, you could look at me and be like “you’ve got it easy, dear…wait until you have three or five or seven kids and then see how much you enjoy it!” I mean, I have one child…one sweet little dear who is usually a happy, contented soul. You could tell me that I’ve got it easy and to not pass this positive judgement on motherhood until I’ve truly experienced it in all it’s nitty gritty. You could tell me that but I can’t promise I would listen or believe you. Matter of fact, I hope that I wouldn’t listen to or believe you.

A few nights ago, we had a rough afternoon and evening. Ayla was all fine and happy up until four o’clock but when I went to put her down for a nap, she just lost it! She had eaten only an hour earlier and she normally goes 2.5 or 3 hours before needing food again, so I didn’t think she was hungry…but after a few minutes of unconsolable crying, I decided she did seem/sound hungry (new mamas, it’s true that you do learn to tell what your babies cries mean! i always thought that sounded so impossible!). So I fed her, and she settled down for a nap soon after that.

I had plans to go spend the evening at a baby shower for one of my friends and I was really looking forward to it. It was pretty much the last time I would get to be with the ladies and friends from our church before we move, and plus, who doesn’t love a baby shower! I got showered and dressed, and Ben and I sat down for a quick supper together before we headed out for our respective evening plans. About ten minutes before I needed to leave for the party, we got Ayla up from her nap and I fed her and Ben snuggled with her for a few minutes…and then it all went south. I mean, total meltdown. TOTAL MELTDOWN. I’ve never seen her so upset and unconsolable before, and she’s had her fair share of meltdowns in the past three months. Ben had her in the nursery rocking her and trying to get her to settle down…and the poor dear just wouldn’t have it. And then I just knew that I couldn’t go to the party that evening. It just wasn’t right. Maybe we would get her settled down and she’d be fine for the rest of the evening…but something inside my heart just knew it wasn’t right.

So instead of spending the evening with my friends and ooh-ing/aaah-ing over cute baby gifts and sharing tidbits about newborns, I spent the evening with my baby girl, just being a mom. Ben had plans to go out with a friend and I had to practically force him to still go even if I wasn’t going out…so it was just me and Ayla for most of the evening. She took a nap and then woke up to eat, and I sat in the nursery watching the daylight wan down to dusk as she snuggled up and nursed for over forty-five minutes. She typically nurses for five or six minutes max…but that night she needed more than food. She needed mama. She needed the comfort and love and warmth of my body and heart. In all honesty, I hadn’t spent much time with her that day. My to-do list was a mile long and it was a busy day trying to get stuff done, and she got shoved to the side a little too much. I don’t know what caused her to meltdown like she did, but maybe she was just feeling the tension and busyness of the day.

As I sat there for those forty-five minutes just holding her, it honestly felt like a sacred moment. It felt like I could almost reach out my hand and feel the very presence of heaven. I don’t know how to fully describe it, but it was such a beautiful time. Just being there…giving my child what she needed.

I said it this way on my Instagram: “It’s not how I planned to spend my evening…extra nursings, snuggles, and comforting a fussy baby. But being a mother is all about giving, right? We give our time, love, sleep, bodies, voice, emotions, and hearts to these little ones we call our own. And sometimes we give up what we want for the sake of what is best for them. It’s the nitty gritty of motherhood, and while I would love to be at that party tonight, giving my little girl what she needs is the most rewarding thing I could do with my evening. This is motherhood and it is my blessing.”

This is motherhood and it is my blessing.

What about you: what are your favorite moments/memories/blessings in being a mother?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!