Mother Love

We’ve almost made it to the end of a very, very frigid week here in New York, and from what I hear, we’re not alone in the fight to stay warm in these Arctic temperatures. I have literally never felt such cold before as I have this week, with one day dipping down to negative twenty-five degrees with the wind chill. Needlesstosay, I set foot outside as little as possible for those few days, and when I did, I spent most of the time exclaiming how cold it was.

A few of my tips for staying warm:

…don’t go outside.
…drink tea/coffee/hot chocolate constantly.
…wear the warmest, fuzziest sweatpants/sweaters you have.
…snuggle with someone you love (preferably a spouse or child).

We experienced some insane wind on Tuesday night, which was so strong I was worried it would break the windows. Maybe that’s not even a valid concern, but in that half-awakened state of mind at three o’clock in the morning, anything is possible. I guess the Arctic north wanted to make sure we didn’t forget it’s existence, and maybe also to prove a point to the global warming theorists.

Along with fighting the cold temperatures, I’ve been fighting a cold and flu-like symptoms all week. I was determined to not let it win me, and I think I’ve managed to keep it away with my myriad of home remedies. The only unfortunate downside is I’ve almost managed to give myself a stomach problem with all the things I’ve been downing in my efforts – apple cider vinegar, charcoal, garlic, onions, vitamin c, green superfood powder. But I don’t have the cold, and that is a victory. We are traveling tomorrow, and I really did not want to be sick during the trip and for the weekend we have planned.

Ben and I are spending two weeks in Texas for a work trip, and I am pretty excited about the sixty degree weather forecasted for the next ten days! It’s fun to pull out my summer wear again and pack flip-flops instead of snow boots. We leave early tomorrow morning and will spend the weekend in San Antonio before heading a few hours away to where we’ll be for the rest of the trip. A few of the plans for the weekend are the Alamo and the river walk, plus getting our fill of Texas barbeque and authentic Mexican cuisine. If anyone has recommendations for things to see, eat, or do, please let me know!

What about you: what are your weekend plans?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Insecurities.

I get so wearied with them sometimes. They just get so tiresome and annoying and inhibiting. Insecurities make me feel like a shadow of my true self and like I’m a sort of outsider in my own life. They make me feel like I don’t belong.

And I am so weary of it.

I look around and everyone else always seems so secure and comfortable in their own skin. Everyone else seems so ok with who they are and how they look and with their personality and life, and then I look at myself and feel like I have so far to go to ever get to that point.

The most beautiful and inspirational people are those who are absolutely secure in who they are. They are the ones who are not apologizing for their life or letting shame keep them from being who they are created to be. They are just simply content, not from complacency, but from security.

One of the most frustrating aspects of insecurity is that I can completely know that it is there and that insecurity is the reason that I feel so negative on myself sometimes. I can know that, but yet somehow it doesn’t always change anything. Sometimes it does. Sometimes I’m strong enough to see the voices and lies for what they are and just push them away. But far too often, I hear them and take them in and find myself falling into a place where I feel like a shadow. That place where you are trying really hard to be alright and content and strong, but inside there’s just a pile of mush.

This post feels pretty vulnerable, but I really think that this is something we all struggle with. I think especially as women we really struggle with this. I think sometimes comparison and competition feels stronger than love and fellowship, and I despise that. I think that our struggle with insecurity can keep us from experiencing life as it is meant to be experienced. I know for a fact that my insecurities have kept me from doing things that would have been amazing or knowing people that would have been inspirational. And I also despise that.

I’m not sure if there’s really an instant anti-dote for insecurities. I don’t know of a way to just turn it off and be secure. I think these feelings are something we each have to wrestle with and to pursue our own individual freedom in. I do know that one of the best things (and perhaps really the only thing) to do is to focus on knowing the identity that Jesus gives you, which is not contingent on looks or personality or accomplishments. My truest identity is based solely on Him, and I feel most secure when I am living from that place. That’s sometimes easier said than done, and it’s not always easy. Our feelings can be so strong, strong enough that they can drown out the truth. But I know that within each of us is a strength and an ability to rise above those lies and false feelings of insecurity and unworthiness…a strength to rise up to all that we are meant to be.

That’s what I want. That’s the journey I walk.

What about you: do you find yourself struggling with comparison, and thus with insecurities?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!