little one

I learned something this past week.

I learned that worship is something different than what I’ve known it to be. I learned that even the most mundane, every day things can be spiritual…an act of worship unto the Lord. I learned that it’s not about being in a church service or singing or all the conventional things we define as worship that actually gives our hearts life and blesses the Lord.

We visited a new church here in Nashville this past Sunday, and boy, did my heart need church. Last week was a particularly challenging week for me, and I was left feeling drained and weary. I hadn’t been at church for two weeks because of our move, and while I believe in the importance of practicing a private/individual relationship with God outside of church, there is just something about being with a gathering of fellow believers to worship and bless God together that offers something different to your heart than all the private worship in the world. We get to this new church and were warmly welcomed and a sweet woman showed us all around and we sat down to wait for the service. I knew Ayla would be ready to eat about the time church started, and so I decided to go ahead and feed her before it began so I could get back in time for worship. Music worship is my favorite way of connecting to God, and I needed it that night. It was like my soul was just craving music worship…my mouth aching to sing…my spirit longing to be touched with a new connection to Jesus.

I fed Ayla and came back into the main room only a few minutes after the first song started…and before I even got to our seats to join Ben, I felt her stiffen up in my arms and soon she starts crying. The music was loud and the lights were dim and it was a strange, new place, and I suddenly knew it would just be too much for her tiny ears and self right now. I took her up to the nursing mama’s room and got her quieted down…and I just wanted to feel frustrated. I NEEDED WORSHIP, GOD.

There was a screen set up in the nursery with live streaming so I could still watch and hear the service, but it just didn’t feel the same, you know? I sat there and started to feel sorry for myself…they were singing some of my favorite songs and I was craving this time and I needed it…and here I was, stuck in the nursery with my baby, unable to worship, unable to engage in what I wanted to do.

And then this quiet voice reminds me…that what I was doing in this moment….loving, nurturing, caring for my child…was worship. This was worship to Him. Being a mama and giving up what I wanted and/or felt like I needed for the sake of my little girl was a pure form of worship…because worship isn’t about singing or music or time with other believers. Worship is about living a life given to Jesus.

So I sat in that room alone, watching my baby girl coo at her little toys, and I was worshipping. It was beautiful and sacred and Jesus met me there. And I learned that sometimes worshipping as a mother looks differently than what we think it is.

What about you: has there been times when responsibilities as a mother have kept you from doing what you felt your heart needed?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Have I ever mentioned that I love lists?

Like, I love them. I make lists for all kinds of things…grocery list, to-do list, movies-to-watch list, books-to-read list, things-to-buy list, wish list, and etc. I use the Paperless app on my phone for most of these lists, but I generally have my master to-do list on an actual piece of paper because there is nothing quite so satisfying as taking a pen and crossing something off the list that is now accomplished. I like to do things and get things done and feel successful at the end of the day with all that I’ve managed to do that day.

Do. Do. Do.

I’ve realized that so much of my life and days and feelings of success all have to do with doing. I realized that I let my lists and chores and housework and all the doing become my definition of a successful day. If I get everything done that I’ve set out to accomplish on a given day, then success! But what if my successful days have nothing to do with my to-do’s? What if my successful day comes down to doing only three things?

My new definition of a successful day is this: if at the end of the day I have loved Jesus, my husband, and my daughter well, than that is a successful day.

If my kitchen is a mess and my laundry isn’t folded and I didn’t have a chance to exercise and my blog is neglected and I didn’t get that friend called…but I have spent time with Jesus and been intentional about connecting with my husband and daughter…it’s a successful day. My top to-do’s should be those three things, every day. I’m teaching my heart to redefine success…to live slow and intentionally, taking time to connect with those I love, to care deeply for those I hold dear. I’m teaching my heart to love well above doing well.

What about you: what is your definition of a successful day?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Photo by:: LYNDSI PHOTOGRAPHY