faith + inspiration

Dear women, I have something to talk to you about.

It’s about your body, about our bodies. Because how many of us spend way too much of our time worrying about and thinking about and critiquing our bodies? I do. And I daresay you do too. And I’m here to remind you, and to remind me, of this:: that our bodies are merely a kind of costume. They aren’t who we are. Our body is made to house us for our time on this earth, and yes, it’s a part of you…but it’s not you. Your body does not define you. Your body does not make you worthy/beautiful/loved. Your body is actually the smallest, most insignificant part of your existence…and yet somehow it’s so easy to make it the most important piece of us. You are a spirit with a soul that lives in a body. Three parts, three things that makes up your existence. And that body that we pay so much attention too and stress about so much and critique and hate and fight against is the absolute least important part of us.

Let me tell you something:: I have cellulite on my legs and stretch marks on my hips and some chin fat that makes me feel self-conscious. I used to hate these things (and i’m still tempted too sometimes). I used to feel like they were flaws and marks of imperfection. But do you know what they are really? Just cellulite. Just stretch marks. Just fat. And that’s it. They are nothing more. They aren’t flaws or imperfections…they just are what they are.

A few months ago, I was in the dressing room at Target trying on a few things. Ayla was with me, and she sat there in the shopping cart playing with the hangers and random cart items and just watching me. It was in a moment when I put on a bathing suit and turned around to see how it looked in the mirror and all those familiar thoughts of perfectionism came rushing at me…and I wanted to start picking myself apart, to place judgement on my body, to sigh and groan about the flaws that seemed so obvious to my eyes. I mean, you know how those dressing rooms can be…with the glaring lights and surrounded by mirrors and nothing hidden…it can feel like a harsh place. There’s been so many times in my life that I’ve walked out of a dressing room with my heart feeling shattered and angry and so…imperfect.

But that day, something changed inside of me…because there was my little girl sitting there watching me with her big brown eyes, just taking it all in. And I knew that I couldn’t give those lies a place in my heart any longer. I couldn’t stand there and twist and turn to see all the angles to see where I was lacking and imperfect and sigh and groan because of those marks I didn’t like or the areas that needed more definition. I couldn’t let her watch me judge myself. I couldn’t open the door of her sweet little heart to thinking that discontentment and frustration with your body was just normal, or that perfection is the standard.

We let the wrong voices tell us what beautiful is, my dears. We are constantly constantly constantly bombarded with images and ideas of what beauty is, and do you know what’s really nuts? The majority of what we are told is beauty is fake. Fake! Edited. Photoshopped. Those photos you see in a magazine or on a billboard or in the mall are shot with a camera, put on a screen, and fixed. They add length to legs and trim the tummy and erase the marks and make things bigger or smaller or disappear. It’s not even real. But yet, we see those edited women and then look at our own unedited selves and feel like we don’t measure up. It’s not how it’s supposed to be, dear heart. It’s not a standard that you are meant to have.

So I tell you that all of you is beautiful. Stretch marks? Beautiful. Cellulite? Beautiful. The things they called muffin tops and love handles and saddlebags? Beautiful. Your size 2/6/8/12/25/small/medium/large/extra large? Beautiful! You are beautiful because of you, not because of your body. It’s just a costume. It’s just a house for who you really are. It’s ok to take care of that house…you should. Keep it healthy and strong and feeling good and alive. But just remember that it’s just a body:: just remember that it’s not who you really are.

What about you: is it easy for you to feel like your body is the most important thing about you, or to feel like you are defined by how you look?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Well, it’s been a while!

I’ve been on little break from online sharing for the past few weeks, and let me tell you…it has been so refreshing. So good for my soul! The world is full of noise, and social media is probably one of the loudest, busiest forms of that noise for me…and to just let it go for a season of quiet and introspection was just so revitalizing to my mind and heart. I missed it in some ways, and yet I didn’t. I mean, there is a measure of community and connection that happens in these online, digital spaces…but yet what I’ve seen so much clearer in these past few weeks of not engaging in social media is that while yes, it’s a form of community, it’s just not community. It’s a form of friendship yes, but it’s just not friendship. True community and true friendship and true connection happens in the time spent with another, and when an online space creates distraction or tries to be a replacement for the actual relationships in my life, then that’s just foolish.

In the past few weeks, I’ve spent more time engaging with my husband and watching my little girl do all her funny things while she plays and read more books and spent more time in quietness and felt so much more fully present than I have in a long time. I wasn’t tempted to pick up my phone when something fun or cute was happening…I was just there, fully, present, engaged. I realized that I don’t need to share the sweet, beautiful moments of my life and that I rather need to just live them and enjoy them and to store them in my own heart.

Now all that to say, I’m not stepping away from social media…because like I said, it is a form of friendship, connection, and community. And I like it. I’ve missed seeing what my friends are doing and sharing…while yet also relishing just seeing and doing my own life. I’ve missed being inspired by other people’s creativity and life…while yet also savoring feeling the freedom from the temptations of comparison and competition. I’ve missed having an outlet for photos and thoughts…while yet also really enjoying the time spent just not sharing anything. So it’s a juxtaposition, and in many ways I’m still trying to figure it all out and formulate my own rules of balance in it. But for now, I’m dipping my toes back into blogging and sharing some things again on Instagram and even Snapchat (still not sure how I feel about that one and basically have no idea what i’m doing there, hehe).

Some things to remember about social media::

The majority of what you see from online sharing (especially Instagram) is a curated version of someone’s life. When you curate something, it means you pull together, sift through, and select for presentation. Not everyone curates or uses their social media for an artistic outlet, but just remember that the majority of what is shared is the highlight reel and most people only share the photo with the best lighting/angles/setup. I curate my Instagram feed because for me it is an artistic outlet for pretty things and pretty photos that I like…but just remember that! I curate.
No one has the perfect life. No one! Even that gorgeous blogger with a million followers and all the prettiest things has sinks full of dishes and laundry piles and bad hair days like the rest of us. Just because someone doesn’t share something (like dirty kitchens/frizzy hair/fussing children) doesn’t mean it’s not there. I don’t share photos of my dirty corners because I don’t find that artistic or beautiful, but trust me, they are there.
Do not compare, do not compare, do not compare. Just don’t compare.
It’s meant to be a form of friendship, but never at the expense of missing a connection with your husband or children or friends. You don’t have to pull the phone camera out at every special moment.
Sometimes the best memories are the ones that are just captured in your mind and heart.
But also, it can be right and good to share your life and inspiration with others. Your life and your heart and your creativity can bless others!