Who are you? Who am I?
Is there a difference between who I am and who I want to be?
For me, most days the answer is yes. Yes, I want to be someone different than who I am. And most days this feeling is not from a holy kind of discontentment, where I am simply longing to grow and be stronger in the Lord or knowledge or compassion. No, most days it’s from an entirely carnal mindset, where I just want to be different than what I am.
I want to be creative like that friend.
I want to write like that blogger.
I want to interact and be witty and engaging like that person.
I want to look like that woman.
I spend so much time looking around at everyone else and wanting to grab parts of their characteristics and personality and life that I completely lose who I am in the process.
Comparison is a trap…a deadly trap that will grab your soul and suck you in so deep that you don’t even know you’re there. Trust me…I’ve been there. I’m still there in so many ways. And it robs me of life and joy at times. For instance, a few weeks ago I was sitting in church and suddenly noticed the girl’s arms who was sitting in front of me. Immediately I start comparing…“why can’t my arms be small and cute and petite like hers? Why can’t I just be small and cute and petite like that?” And before I knew it, my thoughts and attention were far away from church, far away from truth. It was a huge mental battle to wrench myself out of that trap and focus again on Jesus that night. The Lord is continuing to set me free from this comparison thing…He’s continuing to show me that freedom is being exactly who He designed me to be. Exactly who He’s asking me to be.
God isn’t going to create you, give you life and creativity and personality, and then ask you to be someone else.
I know, there is much hype and talk these days about “just be yourself.” But in all reality, that is much easier said than done. It’s much easier to feel like a failure at being a good human than it is to feel the proper pride and contentment in being you. For some reason, it seems that many of us have the idea that to feel ok with who we are is to be prideful. Self-negativity is almost a virtue in some churches and cultures, but I don’t believe for a minute that that kind of mindset is of God.
It’s much easier to look around at others and see all their worth and value and positive characteristics, and look at yourself and see nothing but negative. It’s easier, but not right. Jesus invites us to take an honest look at ourselves and see our worth and value and positive characteristics. Once we see it, we live up to it.
It’s ok to want to be you. It’s ok to like who you are.
God does.
I once heard this thought: you should never think anything of yourself that Jesus wouldn’t think of you. (and Jesus isn’t thinking things like stupid, worthless, ugly, failure, etc.etc.etc.) The battle for my freedom is predominantly in the mind, in my thoughts. So if my thoughts are leading me away from truth and into comparison and negativity, than I should get a new thought, one that agrees with Jesus. Once again, easier said than done. But it can be done…and it will be done, because Jesus has promised freedom, and He would never promise something that doesn’t have the ability to come to pass. But it’s up to me to control where I allow my thoughts to run. It’s up to me to allow Jesus to bring me that freedom.
Some days, truth feels really far away.
Some days, truth feels really un-true.
Some days, lies are so much easier to nod my head in agreement with.
But some days – and more and more, most days – I choose to believe, even when I don’t feel a stinking thing. Because feelings don’t matter…Jesus and truth and faith does.
Carry on, my friends. Carry on.
