Can I talk again about competition + comparison?

Ok, good, because I’m doing that today.

Sometimes I feel like some of the things I write are a bit repetitive. Maybe that’s because these kinds of posts come out of what I have to work through personally, and since this whole comparison thing is something I haven’t mastered or fully overcome yet, I write on.

I will be honest with you: sometimes I feel comparison rise up so strong in my heart. And then the competition comes with it. I compare, then I find myself lacking in whatever area I’m comparing, and then I set about figuring out how I can get better than him or her so when I compare again I can realize that, hey, I’m not so bad after all.

I despise that about myself.

I despise that feeling rising up inside of me that first of all compares and then sets out to compete.

I despise how comparison and competition makes people a kind of enemy, because in my mind they are the ones making me feel so down on myself.

I despise how this whole thing drives a wall into relationships, because it’s hard to feel free and relational with someone you are competing against.

Maybe you don’t struggle with this, and if you don’t, good for you. But if you are like me and have to fight against this feeling sometime, then hi.

For example, I can do that with my blog. If I start to compare to others that I either know or don’t know who have blogs, then I quickly start to feel silly and uncreative and like my page designs looks weird or whatever. When that happens, I have three courses of action to choose from:

> don’t give in to the comparison/competition
> give in to the comparison/competition and set out to make my blog way better than anyone else’s
> shut down and cut off what I have been given in the way of inspiration and creativity.

If I choose number one, there is peace in the knowledge that I am who I am and they are who they are. Everyone’s creativity and inspiration is different, and that’s a good thing. We should celebrate the God-given awesome-ness about other people, not compete against it.

If I choose number two, then all I find is striving and drivenness in my life. Not fun, my friends. Not fun at all.

If I choose number three, then I think something good and God-given would be shut down in me. Also not fun.

I’m just using the blog-thing as an example, but this can apply in any area of life. We can compare and compete with virtually anything. I struggle with comparing my style, body, creativity, personality, voice, talents, and popularity with others. And when I give in to that comparison, it will totally ruin my day. It just makes me feel down and negative and generally awful.

So what do we do? Well, it is, of course, always easier said than done, but really the only thing we can do is choose to stand against it. I’ve done that several times just this week when I felt myself comparing, just choosing in my soul to not go there. It’s not always easy and most times it just feel weird, because I think sometimes we get so used to finding our worth based on comparison. But for me, I know it’s worth the fight. It’s worth the fight to shove comparison away because I know there is something greater on the other side.

Like peace.

What about you: what are your thoughts on comparison + competition, and how have you seen this play out in your own life?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

I would venture to say that most of us believe this: that I have to be a certain way in order to be completely accepted, loved, or valued.

I think life has taught most of us to believe that who we are, in this very moment, is never enough. Life has taught us to believe that we must constantly try to be someone different, someone better, someone prettier, stronger, more successful, etc. I’m not talking about the right and good desire to really be the best we can be; I’m talking about the core belief that who I am right-now-this-second is not somehow good enough.

I believe strongly in personal growth and development, and that to become complacent with life and with ourselves is to become dull and uninspiring. I believe in learning from people who have wisdom and knowledge to offer, in learning from the Word of God, and in learning from experiences. And I believe that all of these things can make us better, stronger, and more successful, and that is a good thing.

But I also know that some of us have let that desire to be better become a drive to BE better (a play on words perhaps, but think of the difference between become better and be better). The desire makes that subtle shift from learning to be the best you can be to learning to be worthy of love and acceptance. It becomes a feeling of striving and drivenness, not pleasure.

Think about this: Jesus died for us, right? And why…?

He died so that we may know the love of God, that we may know the connection with God. And why…? Why did He want us to know the love and connection of God? Because He loves us. It’s such a simple truth that is often escapes almost un-noticed in my mind. He loved us, He died for us, and it’s good to stop and think of why.

So that we might be loved.

He actually wants us to feel loved. But yet most of us live our life feeling like we have to be different, be better, in order to be loved. The feeling of love is always out-there, always “when I become this or overcome that or learn how to be this.” But I know that it’s in this moment that we are meant to be loved…

Sometimes humans will love us conditionally. Sometimes humans will project an expectation on you that you have to reach in order to be accepted or counted worthy by them. This is sad, but it’s not love. It’s not the love that Jesus wants you to know.

I think that Jesus died so that we can know love and so that we can just rest in love. I think He died so that, yes, we can grow and develop into a better person all of our life, but that ultimately we know deep inside that we are good enough today.

You don’t have to be any different to be loved.

What about you: do you find yourself feeling like you have to be different/better in order for people or God to love you? 

I’d love to hear your thoughts!