faith + inspiration

I told Ben the other day that I really don’t make a good blogger.

And this is the reason: I really like people who are open and honest and candid about their lives and heart and feelings and struggles. I really, really like that! I like to read blogs and books where people share from themselves, speaking from their inner heart and daily battles and personal victories. I like when people share their life with the world, and those are the kinds of bloggers and writers that I love to read. The blogs that I want to visit over and over again are the ones that talk openly about the big and hard and wonderful things, but also the small and daily and seemingly-inconsequential things. You know, those blogs that talk about the death of a loved one, or the challenges of parenting, or the emotional pain from a relationship or circumstance…but also the ones that tell you about the restless night, or the bargain score at a yard sale, or the way they feel when their husband looks at them with a twinkle in his eye. I love those blogs.

But I struggle being one of them.

I tend to be a pretty private person. Ok, actually, I tend to be a very private person. I do love to share my life, and I believe firmly in the beauty of doing that…but it is not something that comes naturally or easily for me. It’s not that I don’t trust people, because I have some truly exceptional people in my life. It’s just that I tend to be a private person.

I also tend to hold to the mantra “quality over quantity” in pretty much every area of life (food, clothing, possessions, etc.), and maybe that’s why I would rather keep my private thoughts to myself and a few select instead of sharing them with many. I don’t know if that’s a right or wrong way to be, but like everything else in the world, you need a balance. I think an amount of personal privacy is very appropriate, and I don’t think anyone should spill everything little thing in their heart, mind, and soul to the world for perusal. It’s valuable to hold things inside of yourself, or share some things with only your spouse or a trusted friend. But it’s also innately valuable to share heart things, to share your own life and journey and battles to encourage and inspire others.

So I say all of that to say this: I truly do appreciate each and every one of you that take the time to read the things I write, and it’s always such fun to read your comments and hear your thoughts on the things I write about. I really do love to share with you, and I don’t always know how to balance the vulnerability and the privacy. But we’re working on it!

We had another busy weekend of work around the house, and it’s always fun to just get stuff done. Ben worked outside, finishing up the raised bed (which looks amazing!), and killing weeds, and working on the fireplace mantel we bought last weekend. I was inside cleaning, organizing, and baking up five pounds of praline bacon for a Father’s Day treat for the men at our church. I loved doing it, even though my house still smells like bacon grease. Totally worth it!

Odd side note: I was totally craving C A K E this weekend. This is odd for me, because I’m really not a cake person. I like my sweets, and have some sort of dessert-y thing almost every day (not sorry), but cake just isn’t my thing. But for some reason, I just wanted to sink my teeth into a totally soft and white-sugar-sweetened piece of cake. Thankfully, my baker-friend Kaylie made some of her famous cupcakes, which I enjoyed immensely during Sunday lunch with her family. Cake craving satisfied.

Another side note: I’m not craving cake because I’m pregnant…just making sure we’re all clear on that. (smiley face)

Some links:

– Strike up a conversation.

– S’mores to a whole new level.

– One more reason to love them.

– And eighteen more reasons to love them!

– Sounds so fresh + summery.

– N E E D T O K N O W.

– Want to eat this every day.

– Can’t leave you without my current favorite!

– Love this.

Have an A M A Z I N G week, dearies!

What about you: do you find it difficult to balance vulnerability and privacy?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

We have a scale in our house, but I don’t use it.

I used to use it. Almost every day, actually. I used to step on that scale with a mixture of both fear and excitement, having to know what it was going to tell me about myself. I felt fear over what the number might be, but I also felt excitement over what the number might be. If the number was one I liked, than everything was ok. I was still ok. But if it was higher than I wanted, fear grabbed me and took me even deeper into control and striving. I would have to eat less or exercise more or somehow punish myself for allowing that number to go up.

I actually don’t even like numbers. Math was my least favorite subject in school, and I made my lowest grades in this class. Numbers are too unbending for me. They require way too much structure and strict adherence to following formulas and equations. Even managing my money numbers is just a huge chore for me. I just don’t like numbers.

Funny then, that I gave them so much power over my life for so long.

But numbers are losing their power over me now. I don’t assign myself to a number any more…no weight number, no clothing size number, no numbers. Because I’m not a number.

I haven’t stepped on a scale for over eight months now, and honestly, I don’t know if I ever will again. The last time I weighed myself, I had a complete melt down, because the number that stared back at me was a one that I said I would never find myself at again. But that’s just it: it’s just a number. Just an insipid little number.

It’s a number that tells me nothing about myself. It doesn’t tell me if I am beautiful or kind or gracious or fun or loved or good enough or intelligent or witty or awesome. It doesn’t tell me if I am a good wife or good mother or good friend…it doesn’t tell me that I cannot eat enough or that I have to work out more. It doesn’t tell me anything that matters. It’s just a number.

I’m not saying that no one should ever use a scale, because it can be a beneficial tool in certain situations. And some people can weigh themselves and not let it affect their self-image or feelings about themselves. But you know in your heart if that scale is something that you have given any kind of power to…any kind of power to validate or invalidate you. The scale will always fluctuate, always change, and especially if you’re a woman. We get some strange stuff going on sometimes, don’t we?

If you find yourself using the scale to give you worth or beauty, I want you to know that it doesn’t give you either. It can perhaps give you a perceived worth or beauty, but that’s only in your own head, in your own heart. The scales and the numbers will never define you.

Just remember this: the numbers only have power if you give it to them. Otherwise, they mean nothing.

What about you: what are your thoughts about the scale and the numbers?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!