faith + inspiration

I love being married.

I really and truly do. I am married to an exceptionally good man…not a perfect man (although perfect for me), but a good man. So very good. He has shown me a side of masculinity I’ve rarely seen before in my life…a masculinity that makes me feel so very female. And I love that. I think that’s how its supposed to work.

I’m not writing this to merely brag on my husband, although goodness knows I could dedicate an entire blog post to doing so.

No, I’m writing this to talk about when a husband says no.

Because sometimes my incredibly good husband says no. And oddly enough, it’s that no that makes up a part of his goodness. The ability that he has to tell me no is part of what makes him an incredibly good husband. The same is true of a parent: a good one will absolutely have times of telling the child no.

I am in no way comparing my husband to my parent, but essentially the principle applies in both positions. The role of a husband and the role of a father is to lead, protect, and guide the ones under his care. That is his God-given assignment. He didn’t ask for it. But it’s what he was created for. It’s his purpose, his place, his calling…he is a man and he is given tremendous responsibility for the well-being of his household.

Not to say that a wife and mother doesn’t play an important part in the well-being of a household, because she does. She plays a tremendous part as well. But it’s a different part…not a lesser part, but a different one.

So sometimes my husband tells me no, and sometimes I really don’t like it.

I was thinking about this whole thing a few days ago, and I thought back to several different times in the past year of my life when Ben said no to me. I remember last summer when there was a huge blockbuster movie that was out and everyone was watching it and talking about it, and it looked like a really great story. Big and epic and inspiring. I’m not a movie junkie, but when there’s a big and epic and inspiring story to read, hear, or watch, I’m in.

I really wanted to see this movie. But my husband said no. He said no because of something inside of him that didn’t feel right about the film, something inside of him that didn’t agree with the message it was giving. It wasn’t even anything he could put his finger on directly, but you know, he doesn’t have to.

I’ll be honest: at first, I was really really disappointed. Because I really wanted to see this big and epic and inspiring story. I had two choices with his decision: I could connive and convince and justify to him why we should watch this film in effort to change his mind, or I could trust and believe that he is good and true and that the peace that he wasn’t feeling about this thing was to be honored.

I chose the latter, although certainly not without inner conflict and my own wishes trying to convince me to convince him otherwise. Trust me, it really did take a while for me to be ok with this decision.

But now I get it. I still don’t know why exactly he didn’t feel ok with us watching that film, and I don’t need to. He is designed to protect me, not just physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. But I have to choose to let him.

There are so many other times I think back to when there was a decision that I didn’t fully agree with or even understand. And it’s not always a yes-or-no decision, but even little things like what time to leave for the airport, or what items to bring along, or what kind of plans we should make. It has literally happened so many times now in the past year where his decision turned out way better than my idea that almost every time I am unsure about something he is deciding, I just grin to myself inside and know that I’ll understand why at some point. And that I better decide to trust in what he feels or else I’ll just be wrong and embarrassed.

My husband isn’t perfect, and it’s not like he never makes a wrong decision. But I am not perfect either, and it’s not that I always make the right decision. What I have learned is that sometimes his heart knows something that mine does not, and I believe that that knowing is put there by God. And that is what I trust, and that why I can be ok when my husband says no.

What about you: do you find it difficult to trust when you are told no? How do you react when a decision isn’t quite what you think it should be?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

I had a baffling conversation with a friend the other day that left me absolutely…baffled.

The thing that totally blew up my mind was during the part of our conversation that turned to body image and our own individual struggles with it. I could not believe that this woman would ever feel like she was big or fat or unattractive or needed to lose weight. I could not believe that because every time I see her all that I see is this petite, thin, and beautiful woman. I look at her and think about how it would feel to be like her…to be a petite, thin, and beautiful woman like her. I compare myself to her and wish I could have the body and features that she has.

But this is what got me: she does the same to me. She told me that she wishes she could trade bodies with me, and I totally laughed and laughed because I could not believe it to be true. I literally told her, “why in the world would you want my body? I’m just tall and big and awkward.”

And that’s how I feel most times: tall and big and awkward. I can’t imagine how it feels to feel petite and small and graceful.

Then she said that she would love to be tall like I am, because it looks elegant.

And then I said I want to be shorter like her, because it looks so cute and adorable and so…little.

Here we were, both wishing to be different than we were…both wishing for what the other had. I wanted to look like her, she wanted to look like me. I guess the old adage is true: the grass is always greener on the other side.

I left that conversation with this strange feeling in my soul…like something significant had happened, but I didn’t really know what. I just knew one thing: woman are crazy. Maybe crazy isn’t the right word…but then, maybe it is. I don’t call us crazy in a derogatory way, because I love women and I love being one. But I call us crazy because here we are, each with a beauty and person and life all our own…and a wonderful beauty and person and life all our own…but yet we want to be someone else. Whether you want to be someone else in their body, personality, or talents, we’re all so willing to throw ourselves away so we can be someone else.

And in the process, we lose something valuable: we lose ourselves.

Since that conversation, I can feel this thing rising up inside of me that sees the absolute futility of this entire comparison trap. I see how destructive it is to our hearts, and even to our bodies. I mean, I’ve seen it before, and even blogged about it a few times…but this is another layer.

It.is.so.crazy.

It’s crazy because I know that if I had been born with a body type different than the one I have…let’s say I did have the five-foot-four-inch frame and petite woman features like my friend…then I have no doubt that I would find myself doing the exact same thing she is…wishing for all of the five-foot-eight-inch frame and tall woman features that I have.

Do you see how crazy this is? Do you see how it drives you to a place so far away from where the heart and goodness of God wants you to be? Do you see how all this comparison and hating on ourselves and wishing to be someone so totally different is straight from the enemy? Do you see how glorious and gorgeous and breathtaking you are, but that you can only live that out to the world when you are living in that place of rest in who you are?

I essentially lose my beauty when I compare anything about who I am to something that someone else is. And that is exactly what the devil wants. He wants us to lose ourselves, to lose the unique beauty and soul that the breath of God poured into us. But Jesus wants something different. He wants us to own ourselves, to celebrate all that we are in Him. And dare I say, He wants us to celebrate all that we are in our own bodies as well, no matter what those bodies look like.

I don’t always see it, but today I do.

And I’m determined to beat the system of expectations and numbers and only-eat-twelve thousand-calories-a-day-so-you-can-look-beautiful (which is a ridiculous and sad way to live, by the way) and try-to-look-like-a-supermodel-because-that’s-what-the-world-tells-us-is-beautiful (which is also a ridiculous and sad way to live). Because that way is not the way that Jesus died to give to me. He died to give me peace, life, and rest…and the enemy will do whatever he can to take any and all of those away from me.

He’s not taking it away today.

And let me tell you this: it takes great courage to own yourself. It takes great courage to be ok with yourself, with your body, and your abilities, and personality. It takes even greater courage to celebrate those things about yourself. But I know without a doubt that that is what the Lord wants for us. I know that because it is the way of peace, joy, and life, and He died to give us all of those things.

Be beautiful today, dear hearts.

What about you: in what ways do you find comparison stealing from you?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!