faith + inspiration

Life isn’t perfect, and it’s not meant to be. But life…it is so full of beautiful moments, beautiful things, blessings – big and small. Sometimes we can lose sight of those things…those beautiful things about life. In the middle of the mundane and the sorrows and difficult seasons and hard things, it can feel like that is all there is. I find that my heart can so easily lose sight of gratitude and march right over into complaining about the things that aren’t the way I would like them to be…instead of really seeing all the things that are.

The other morning I woke up early, before Ben and Ayla were even stirring, and it was one of those wake-ups that you just knew wouldn’t let you go back to sleep. Instead of fighting it, I decided to get up, make a cup of tea, and spend some time with my journal. I rarely get out of bed that early these days, since I usually like to sleep as long in the morning as Ayla does. But this morning was beautiful and there was a ethereal mist over the lake and everything was still and new and fresh.

I started writing…just letting myself think on paper. I wrote about my husband…about how I never dared dream of being married to such a good, good man, one who romances and pursues me endlessly, who prays for me when I’m wrestling with lies and my own heart issues, who actually laughs at my really horrible sense of humor and likes my cooking, who lives his life with such integrity and honor and spirit. I wrote about my little girl…about how I never ever knew how much I could love a child like I love her…and about how her little life has already changed me in so many good ways…and about how she melts my heart into little puddles with her bright eyes and smiles and coos…and about the thought of watching her grow up and become who she is meant to be is one of the greatest joys and honors I will know. I wrote about the blessing of my family…about how God has redeemed and transformed us…about how much fun it is to sit with my mom and sister and crack the dumbest jokes and act like the silliest people and about how the laughter that comes from those moments are so good for my soul. I wrote about how it feels like God is giving us a season of change and hope and dreams…about how I see my husband finding new life as a daddy and as a businessman and as an individual…about how I feel my own heart coming alive in brand new ways that are both challenging and beautiful.

I wrote about how my heart felt so full and overflowing.

Life isn’t perfect, and it’s not meant to be. But there is so much good in life and I want to live with a heart focused on the good things and the beautiful things and the sacred things that surround me every day.

I found this gorgeous full heart t-shirt on from Sweet T’s Design Shoppe on Etsy a few weeks ago, and knew it was a perfect staple for my wardrobe the minute I saw it. It’s such a comfortable and versatile piece, and I just want to wear it all the time! And for a limited time, Sweet T’s is offering a fifteen percent discount to Beautiful Undefined readers on your purchase of any of their beautiful graphic tees or tanks. I’ve got my eyes on this, this, this, and this!

The fifteen percent discount code is good until July 15, 2015.

Enter code UNDEFINED at checkout for your discount.

What about you: what are three things in your life that give you a full heart?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Do you ever have those moments or days or weeks or seasons when you just don’t like yourself very much?

Yeah, me too.

It’s not that I really struggle with feeling like a bad person or with guilt or like I’m a horrid wife/mama/friend. I mean, sure, I can always grow in each of life arenas, but that’s not the thing(s) about myself that I have a hard time being ok with generally.

The thing I can have a hard time with accepting about myself is…how I look.

You know those moments when you catch a wrong glance of yourself in the mirror or in the reverse camera view on a phone (goodness me that reverse cam! i’m convinced even the most gorgeous-ess of people couldn’t look normal in the reverse camera view on a phone, hehe) or when you’re in the dressing room and those mirrors and harsh lights just aren’t doing anything remotely good for your appearance and it makes you want to just throw down the clothes in frustration and walk out because what’s the point anyway and when your husband tells you that you are beautiful or look pretty and inside you feel like laughing and crying because it just feels so awfully untrue but yet you want it to be true…?

I really hope that you don’t know those moments at all. But I do, and I wish I didn’t. I wish I could always always always at every moment like myself completely. All of me. All of perfectly imperfect me. Maybe that’s a tall order in today’s world full of impossible standards and perfection driven appearance…but it’s my wish. Some days I feel pretty great, and I like those days. Sometimes I have an entire week when I don’t give unnecessary thought and emotions to not liking something about myself and those are good times! And I believe that one day those days and weeks will just last and last, and the inevitable lies that show up and tell me that I’m not good enough, perfect enough, beautiful enough will be distant memories. Yes, one day.

Lately I’ve been in a negative funk about myself, but I’m pulling myself out of it thank-you-very-much. It’s not so much that I’m having a hard time with my postpartum body, even though some things are squishier and bigger and just different all around. My little girl is worth all the squishiness in the world, and I would never ever ever trade her for the sake of having any part of my old self back. It’s really my whole issue with perfectionism that drives me to negativity, and that issue has been around far longer than the last ten months of pregnancy and postpartum-ness.

But like I said, I’m pulling myself out of my funk, choosing grace over perfectionism. I listened to this message again, and every word of it was so convicting and challenging to my heart. I have this quote from that sermon on my nightstand to remind me every day: Comparison and perfectionism brutalize a woman’s soul, and takes what is lovely and makes it reek of death. That literally pretty much sums it all up, right? Because when I’m in that funk of comparison and perfectionism, there is very little that is lovely about my life.

When I take anything about myself and compare it to someone else, I will always always always lose my own loveliness, my own beauty, my own self. It’s not that who I am is anything so super special…but who I am was created by God and that reason alone is enough to fight against the negative self-talk, the lies, the standards, and the idea that beautiful can be defined.

What about you: do you find yourself falling prey to the trap of comparing something or anything or everything about yourself to someone else? What are your tips in overcoming the comparison trap?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Some similar reading from the archives:

The One Thing That Keeps Me From Feeling Beautiful
The Thing I Crave
How To Feel Beautiful
What Makes a Woman Beautiful