Dear women, I have something to talk to you about.

It’s about your body, about our bodies. Because how many of us spend way too much of our time worrying about and thinking about and critiquing our bodies? I do. And I daresay you do too. And I’m here to remind you, and to remind me, of this:: that our bodies are merely a kind of costume. They aren’t who we are. Our body is made to house us for our time on this earth, and yes, it’s a part of you…but it’s not you. Your body does not define you. Your body does not make you worthy/beautiful/loved. Your body is actually the smallest, most insignificant part of your existence…and yet somehow it’s so easy to make it the most important piece of us. You are a spirit with a soul that lives in a body. Three parts, three things that makes up your existence. And that body that we pay so much attention too and stress about so much and critique and hate and fight against is the absolute least important part of us.

Let me tell you something:: I have cellulite on my legs and stretch marks on my hips and some chin fat that makes me feel self-conscious. I used to hate these things (and i’m still tempted too sometimes). I used to feel like they were flaws and marks of imperfection. But do you know what they are really? Just cellulite. Just stretch marks. Just fat. And that’s it. They are nothing more. They aren’t flaws or imperfections…they just are what they are.

A few months ago, I was in the dressing room at Target trying on a few things. Ayla was with me, and she sat there in the shopping cart playing with the hangers and random cart items and just watching me. It was in a moment when I put on a bathing suit and turned around to see how it looked in the mirror and all those familiar thoughts of perfectionism came rushing at me…and I wanted to start picking myself apart, to place judgement on my body, to sigh and groan about the flaws that seemed so obvious to my eyes. I mean, you know how those dressing rooms can be…with the glaring lights and surrounded by mirrors and nothing hidden…it can feel like a harsh place. There’s been so many times in my life that I’ve walked out of a dressing room with my heart feeling shattered and angry and so…imperfect.

But that day, something changed inside of me…because there was my little girl sitting there watching me with her big brown eyes, just taking it all in. And I knew that I couldn’t give those lies a place in my heart any longer. I couldn’t stand there and twist and turn to see all the angles to see where I was lacking and imperfect and sigh and groan because of those marks I didn’t like or the areas that needed more definition. I couldn’t let her watch me judge myself. I couldn’t open the door of her sweet little heart to thinking that discontentment and frustration with your body was just normal, or that perfection is the standard.

We let the wrong voices tell us what beautiful is, my dears. We are constantly constantly constantly bombarded with images and ideas of what beauty is, and do you know what’s really nuts? The majority of what we are told is beauty is fake. Fake! Edited. Photoshopped. Those photos you see in a magazine or on a billboard or in the mall are shot with a camera, put on a screen, and fixed. They add length to legs and trim the tummy and erase the marks and make things bigger or smaller or disappear. It’s not even real. But yet, we see those edited women and then look at our own unedited selves and feel like we don’t measure up. It’s not how it’s supposed to be, dear heart. It’s not a standard that you are meant to have.

So I tell you that all of you is beautiful. Stretch marks? Beautiful. Cellulite? Beautiful. The things they called muffin tops and love handles and saddlebags? Beautiful. Your size 2/6/8/12/25/small/medium/large/extra large? Beautiful! You are beautiful because of you, not because of your body. It’s just a costume. It’s just a house for who you really are. It’s ok to take care of that house…you should. Keep it healthy and strong and feeling good and alive. But just remember that it’s just a body:: just remember that it’s not who you really are.

What about you: is it easy for you to feel like your body is the most important thing about you, or to feel like you are defined by how you look?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

You know what drives me crazy? It’s when I let my own insecurities and limiting beliefs about myself keep me from something amazing. Goodness, that drives me crazy.

I had a rough Easter weekend. What should have been one of the best weekends of the year spent celebrating Jesus and spending time with the ones I love was instead largely spent in some kind of weird emotional, spiritual funk. Ben was off on Friday, and I love those extra days when we can be together and go do fun outings or work on house projects. But I’ll be honest:: Friday was not a fun day. I don’t know why, really…but I felt like I under this cloud of accusation and judgment and shame. I couldn’t enjoy the breakfast outing we took together as a family and spent the entire meal wrestling against the old familiar thoughts of “you are so fat and ugly and embarrassing, you eat too much, you are worth nothing, you will never be beautiful.” I spent years living these thoughts as my truth, but Jesus has done an extraordinary work in my heart in the past two years and normally when I’m hit with negativity about myself, I can let it bounce off. But not on Friday. I spent the whole day with these lies nipping at my heart, feeling like I could’t get away from them. I spent most of the next day in the same state of mind, barely able to enjoy the time at the park with friends or the taco lunch on a perfect spring day or the time we spent on the biking trails. Shame chased me all day long and ruined what-should-have-been a perfectly delightful weekend.

I believe that shame has become one of the biggest enemies against women today. I know it’s certainly been one of my biggest enemies. Shame as defined by Brene Brown is this:: the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging. 

Do you ever feel that way, like you don’t belong, like you’re not worthy of connection with other women, like you’re just not good enough? I so often feel like a shadow of a real woman, especially when I’m around other women. I let shame rob me of rich, meaningful relationships because I don’t walk in the worthiness that has been given to me by Jesus. I let comparison creep in, and before I know it, I’ve worked myself down into a pit of misery and dejection…feeling like I will never measure up, never be enough, never be the beautiful, worthy woman I want to be.

It’s lies, all lies. It’s the shame, coming to steal, kill, and destroy my heart. And I’ve just had enough of it! Enough of it in my life and enough of it in your life. There is no place for shame in our hearts. Jesus died to take away our shame and to give us love and belonging and connection and life abundant. When I feel the lies, accusation, the shame coming back to haunt my heart, I have to run to the One who is Truth itself. I have to. It’s the only way to get out of the funk. It’s the only way to shut down the lies and find Truth and wholeness and freedom from shame.

So go on, woman…get rid of the shame. Don’t let it keep you down any more. You are worthy, beautiful, delightful.

What about you: do you find yourself battling shame in your own heart as well? What are your thoughts on rising above this shame?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!