I am a woman.

I love being a woman. Although I did have a few times when I was a teenager of boldly declaring “I wish I were a boy!” (mostly when I was so tired of having to do my hair and it was a bad hair kind of day, and thinking how nice it would be to just never have to worry about those kinds of things), I’ve never wanted to be anything different. And as I get older, I have started to appreciate my gender more and more. I have started to understand what a woman actually is and what my place as one is in the world.

Women are strange creatures. We really are…but maybe there is something central to womanhood in that strangeness. Maybe I should call it mysterious instead of strangeness, but whatever it is, it can definitely be confusing. I often wish my husband good luck in figuring out what I want because really, I don’t even know what I want sometimes.

There are a few things that I know I want, and I believe that most women want the same in their own life.

I want to feel beautiful.
I want to feel secure and safe.
I want to contribute something important to our world.

You might have more things to add to this list, but for me, this sums up my wishes. Of course there are other things that I say I want, but mostly those things could fall under one of the above categories. I want to be noticed by my husband, which makes me feel beautiful. I want to have a place to be who I am without pretense and to share all that I feel and experience, which makes me feel secure and safe. I want to be a part of something bigger than just my little self-world, which makes me feel like a contribution.

I would say out of all those desires that I feel, the want to feel beautiful is the most elusive. It’s the one I most struggle with feeling and getting.

I might have been embarrassed to have admitted this a few years ago, but I will say it now without shame: I ache for beauty. I ache to be beautiful, to see beauty, to encounter beauty. There is something inside of me as a woman that finds beauty as a central part of my heart.

Beauty plays out differently for different woman, but I think that the call for it is in every one of our hearts. Some woman live out beauty by nurturing nature and growing things. Some woman live out beauty by creating art or beautiful homes and spaces. Some woman live out beauty by their lives of service and compassion. Some woman live out beauty by being a devoted wife and mother. Some woman live out beauty by praying and interceding for others. Most of us live out beauty in a variety of these ways.

The ache for beauty isn’t resolved in looking beautiful. It’s in being beautiful.

Beauty is something you are created with. It’s inside of you, and has nothing to do with the way you look or dress. It is your essence. Some of us have a hard time believing that the desire to be beautiful is a good thing.

Let me say this: your ache to be beautiful is not vanity. It is not pride or arrogance. It is the heart of God within you wanting to be released to the world. God authored beauty. Just look around at the world, notice the abundance of beauty. He did that.

I believe that God wants woman to want to be beautiful. And I believe that the enemy wants woman to think the only way to be beautiful is on the outside. If he can get us to believe that our beauty comes only from our body or physical perfection, than beauty is destroyed. Don’t let him destroy it. Don’t let him destroy your beauty.

I have had a lot of ground to take back in this area. I have had a lot of reclaiming of true beauty, a lot of re-learning truth about where my beauty comes from. Some days I can hardly see past the lies, those days where all I see is imperfection and unworthiness, those days where I let the mirror define me. But I’m taking it back. I’m taking back the places that I’ve let the world and the enemy and fear tell me what beautiful is.

We have to fight every day to “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” We have to fight every day to silence the lies that war against our souls to make us captive to the standards and expectations of woman that the world gives us. Beautiful is undefined, my friends. You don’t have to get to a certain size or dress a certain way or look like anyone else to be beautiful. Whatever YOU are is beautiful.

What about you: do you feel the same struggle over beauty? How have you found freedom in this?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

I will never be pretty enough.

Pretty is defined as pleasing or attractive to the eye, and if that is the definition, then I will never be enough. I will never be pretty enough. There will always be a flaw and an imperfection in what my eyes see in the mirror. I will always have the pimples and red spots on my face. My hair will never be like the perfect magazine pictures. Varicose veins and cellulite will never completely disappear. Wrinkles will happen as I age and my looks will change. I will probably never be as thin as I once was (a whole other blog post in itself one day…).

But all these things are about being pretty. They are about being pleasing to the eye. They are only about what I can see.

What about if I stopped trying to be pretty and instead tried to be beautiful?

There’s a difference between pretty and beautiful, you know. Beautiful is defined as possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc. delighting the senses or the mind. When I read this definition, I realized that being beautiful has little to do with looks and physical appearance. Beauty is not defined by what the eye can see, but rather what another person feels when they are with you.

Beautiful can include pretty, yes, but you can be beautiful without being pretty. You can also be pretty without being beautiful (think of actresses or models that are pretty to the eye but aren’t truly beautiful). Beautiful isn’t about what you can see. Beautiful is about the qualities you possess. Beautiful is grace, graciousness, kindness, giving, creative, and excellent. In essence, I don’t think that beautiful can ever be truly defined. Beautiful is undefined (hence my blog name…).

When I think of the things that I think are beautiful, I realize that I don’t find them such primarily because of how something or someone looks. I find it beautiful because of how I feel when I am in that setting or with that person. When something is beautiful, it makes me feel peaceful and happy and content. How something looks is part of the beauty, but it is not what makes it beautiful. Some of the most beautiful people that I know are not the ones that look like models or actresses. They are beautiful because of their heart and character and kindness.

It’s so easy for me to feel like I have to be pretty and perfect in order to be beautiful. But that’s a lie and it will keep me grasping for something that can never be truly attained. I want to stop chasing pretty and instead start chasing beautiful.

This doesn’t mean I just stop caring about how I look or about being pretty. I will still have fun doing makeup and hair and wearing pretty things, because that is a part of how I express my femininity. But these things do not make me beautiful or define my worth. Beautiful is found in my heart and soul, and in all that Jesus is within me. Beautiful is found in loving my husband, family, and friends well. Beautiful is found in giving and serving in whatever ways the Lord lays on my heart. Beautiful is found in the little things we do every day to spread cheer and kindness and love.

Beautiful undefined…that is you, my friend.

What about you: what are your thoughts on pretty vs. beautiful? 

I’d love to hear your thoughts!