I had a friend text me this question last week after she read THIS:: “when I feel ugly, the first thought that comes to mind is that God created me perfectly and He created my body to be optimal at a certain weight, fitness level, etc. but I’ve ruined it by not being disciplined enough or eating right…this legitimizes the thought that I am ugly while ‘speaking truth’ at the same time. what do you think?”

My first reactions to her question were…what a brilliant question + I really don’t know the answer to this brilliant question.

So I pondered it for a few days and finally was able to formulate a response to her. I realized that the thing us as woman have to get a hold of is this:: we have to detach our beauty from our bodies. Our body is not what makes us beautiful. I know that feels strange and awkward, but I truly do believe that it’s the truth and it’s the way of freedom. Our world tells us our beauty is found in how we look, in our outward. If we’re thin enough, stylish enough, made up enough, perfect enough…than you are beautiful. And so we strive and stress and despise ourselves because we aren’t thin enough, stylish enough, perfect enough to be beautiful. Oh sweethearts, this isn’t how it’s meant to be.

We are meant to walk in freedom. We are meant to walk in beauty. We are meant to believe we are beautiful no matter how we look. Because that’s not where our beauty comes from…it has nothing to do with how we look. It’s all about who we are, and no amount of “flaws or extra weight” will change that.

“…clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” Gentle and quiet beauty…from within…no striving, no self-hatred, no looking in the mirror and telling ourselves we aren’t beautiful enough.

I think the thing that we have to learn to walk in is actually detaching our beauty from our bodies. So you can be overweight or have those “flaws”, but yet it doesn’t change anything about who you are and the beauty that you carry. I think our world has taken beauty and made it an entirely physical thing, when God made it an entirely heart/spirit/soul thing. Our body is just a house for who we really are. I think that we are meant to take care of that body/house…so to eat well and be active and just caring for ourselves in general is a good thing. But I think the danger is when I start attaching who I am to what I look like.

So my answer to the thought of  “I’ve ruined it by not being disciplined enough or not eating right…” is that you didn’t ruin anything! Who you are and your own unique beauty doesn’t change based on what you look like. Trust me, I’m still learning this. It’s such a journey and it can feel like such a fight…but what I’ve started seeing is that when I actually learn to think of my beauty as non-attached to my body, that’s when I can actually feel beautiful. Like, that’s only when I can truly feel beautiful.

I like feeling beautiful. And I know you do too, because it’s just the way that women are made to want to feel. It’s not a bad desire, dear heart. You should want to be beautiful, but you should also fully understand that that beauty doesn’t first come from your body or the way you look. It truly does come from who you are in your spirit and in your heart.

What about you: do you find it hard to detach your beauty from the way you look? 

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

I know what it’s like to feel ugly…and not just feel ugly, but believe ugly. And it’s not fun or right or how we are meant to feel and believe and live. You are not made to feel ugly.

On Saturday morning, we went out for a little family breakfast date. We got to the restaurant a few minutes before it opened, so of course I seized the opportunity to take some pictures of Ayla and Ben in a cute little alley right beside the parking lot. I snapped a few of them together, and then handed the camera to Ben so he could take some of me and Ayla. We tickled and laughed and “did kisses” for a few minutes in front of the camera together, and then headed over to the restaurant for breakfast.

We got back home after a few hours out, and after some cleaning and food prep for a big day of college football, I slipped the camera card into my computer to transfer the photos. I let them load while I washed some dishes, and then sat back down to look through them. My heart melted seeing all the sweet captures of Ben and Ayla…the love and connection they share always seems to come through so beautifully on film. I love it!

I kept flipping through the photos, just smiling…until I came to the start of the ones with me in them. Instantly my good feelings left, and instead it was like a giant rock had settled in my stomach, trying to choke out my heart. I literally wanted to cry…because there I was, right in front of my eyes, and I was so ugly.

“your face is so big and ridiculous.”
“you always look so stupid.”
“you are so fat.”
“you are so ugly.”

Those voices – the oh so familiar ones – started screaming in my head, and I just wanted to weep. I wanted to get angry at myself. I wanted to stop eating or to pick up some crash diet so I could fix all the parts of me that I was being told were ugly. I wanted to hate and hide and be ashamed. I wanted to be anything else but myself.

And let me tell you, I wanted to give in to these voices, these lies. I wanted to reach out to them and hold them to my chest and say “yes, yes, you’re right. i am ugly and fat and ridiculous”…because it all felt so true. But I’ve done that before…I’ve done it way too many times before in the past…and something inside of me was able to rise up and fight and say:: NO, NOT THIS TIME.

These things feel true, but they aren’t Truth.
I feel ugly, but I am beautiful.
I feel like hiding, but I am meant to be seen.
I feel stupid, but I am designed by glory.

And that day, I fought and won. I had to fight with my voice, you guys…I had to speak the truth of who I am out loud. I had to remind myself and I had to remind my enemy. I had to fight with my spirit and my heart and my mind by taking control of the thoughts and changing them to be truth instead of lies. And it worked:: my heart was set back to right and I was able to walk the rest of the day in confidence and beauty and life.

So I know what it’s like to feel ugly, and it’s awful. And I know that it’s not the way we are designed to feel, ever. I don’t care if you have stretch marks or cellulite or scars or acne or any other thing the world calls “flaws.” I don’t care if you have the “right” body type or are overweight or have a stretched out tummy from childbirth. I don’t care if you wear a size two or a size twenty two…you are not made to feel ugly, ever.

You are made to feel beautiful.
You are made to walk in confidence and rest as the woman you are.
You are made to be fully alive in your own skin, no matter what that skin looks like.
You are made to feel beautiful. Always.

What about you:: how do you fight the lies that come against you? 

I’d love to hear your thoughts!