Mother Love

We visited the 30a area on the Florida Gulf Coast for the first time last year in February, and we’ve basically been counting the days until we could get back there. It’s such a pretty place, and just seems so different than the east coast beach that I’m used to vacationing. The water is so blue and so clear and the sand so clean and white…it’s a small piece of paradise. We booked a condo just outside of Rosemary Beach, and even though the weather wasn’t the best for being out on the beach (especially for Aveline), it was still so nice to get away and spend as much time relaxing as our two little ones would let us.

We were able to get out on the beach all together on the first two days, where I promptly managed to get a sunburn. Ben and I tag-teamed on those days during nap time, and that two hours alone on the beach with a book and the sunshine were such a treat. We had rain for one day and then the other two days were too cold and windy for Aveline to be out, so that was the extent of my sunning for this trip.

On the days we couldn’t get to the beach, we would go out for breakfast and then come back to the condo so Avy could nap. Ben and Ayla would either go out for a bike ride then, or we would sit in the condo and read books or “play” games or with play dough. We had a beach front rental, so even if we couldn’t be out on the beach, we could at least sit inside and see it! Most days, we would go back out in the afternoons for a bike ride or a walk and get some smoothies and coffees, and find a park or playground. Rosemary Beach has a small little public playground tucked away a few blocks from the town center, but we often ended up at The Fonville Press in Alys Beach to play at their outdoor play area. Coffee and food and a play area…such a great idea, right? It was so cute to watch Ayla interact with the other kids and shyly trying to make friends with a few of them.

It was so nice to get away on a vacation, but Aveline was having a rough sleep week and Ayla was a little emotional and grumpy too, so it wasn’t quite the blissful time of rest and relaxation that you have in mind for a vacation. 😉 But I had to remind myself so many times that the point of this time away was to be together and make memories and connection, and it didn’t have to look like I wanted it to. So we just took it slow and did what we could and tried not to let grumpy, fussy babies ruin our coffee and breakfasts and outings. I’m just grateful we got the time away, even though I came home and felt like I needed a vacation to recover from our vacation. 😉

A few local favorites/recommends, if you ever visit the area:

Fonville Press, Alys Beach // a great spot for coffee, smoothies and food, plus a fun little play area for the kids
Amavida Coffee & Tea, Rosemary Beach // coffee and smoothies (the four-berry is delicious)
Black Bear Bread Company, Grayton Beach // a great spot for breakfast with house-made sourdough bread and pastries
Chiringo, Grayton Beach // fun spot for dinner…get the awesome sauce with french fries

I took a month break from social media back in January, and it was a really really great month. But I did miss my online world and felt like I learned a lot about myself and also about how I want to engage in social media going forward. Just wanted to share a few thoughts on that here, in case you’re interested.

So the first week of the break was actually really awful. I felt like I was in the middle of a kind of soul detox and I was just grumpy and bored…like, really bored! I felt like I didn’t really know what to do with my “free” time when I didn’t have Instagram to post to or scroll through. I would often open up Instagram when I was sitting to nurse Aveline or rocking her to sleep, and for that first week, I just found myself bored and restless, especially during those moments. But once I made it past that first week, something shifted in me…and I started relishing those times of just sitting and holding my baby and watching her nurse or fall asleep, or just watching Ayla do her funny things and play with her toys. I found myself feeling so much more engaged in my own little world and family, because there wasn’t any kind of distractions. I read more. I laughed more. I even found myself praying more. I felt so much more present, and it was a delight.

Towards the end of the month, I started wrestling through what I was going to do once January was over with. There was a huge part of me that was honestly just ready to push that final delete button on the Instagram app…but also a part of me that missed seeing what my friends were doing and how their kids were growing and what others are wearing/eating/walking through. And by friends, I mean both my in-real-life friends and also the ones that I’ve made primarily on social media. I did miss the connection that came from being online. I stay at home with my babies all day (which I love), but sometimes you just want to interact with adults, especially other mamas who are walking through the same seasons, you know?

What I came to see is this…social media can certainly bring disconnection. It can cause me to be unengaged from my world that is right in front of me. It can make me miss the simple, every-day moments with my girls or husband, and it can make me feel dissatisfied and discontent.

But I also came to see this…that it doesn’t have to.

Social media can bring me connection and inspiration and even just good ole fun. It can bring me a positive outlet for creativity and writing and sharing fun things about my kids. I’ve made actual friends through Instagram…some that I’ve ended up meeting in real life, and others that I haven’t, yet. I’ve been endlessly inspired by people I follow on social media, in all kinds of ways…in loving my family or in food or style or home decor or fun things to do, etc. etc. etc. And really, social media is just…fun. I just like it!

By February 1, I knew that I wanted to hop back on social media…but I also knew that I needed to find a better balance to where it really was something that blessed my life and didn’t take away from my life. So I came up with a few guidelines for myself:

Limit who I follow. I went through my follow list and majorly cut back on the number of people/accounts that I followed. That has honestly made the biggest difference to the amount of time that I even spend on Instagram…there isn’t nearly as much content and things to “keep up with” anymore! There were a lot of accounts that I followed merely because I liked their photography or their recipe ideas or just because their kids were cute, and there is nothing wrong with that…but I unfollowed the majority of those kinds of accounts that I didn’t really have any kind of personal connection with and have made myself be extra intentional about clicking the follow button.

No scrolling while my children are awake. I will sometimes post a photo or Insta-story while they are awake, but I don’t let myself do any scrolling until they are down for naps in the afternoon or in bed for the evening. This is actually a hard guideline to stick to, to be honest. It was a lot easier when I was off of social media entirely to just stay off, but now that I’m “back on,” it really is a discipline for me to stay away from scrolling for the majority of the day. But, I know it’s a good guideline for me in this season and I’m determined to discipline myself in it.

Take responsibility for my own issues and responses. This has been something that the Lord has made so clear to me recently…that I am the one responsible for my reactions and/or feelings about the things that someone else says or does, or in the case of social media, the things that someone posts to their feed or stories. So the times that I feel jealous or competitive or even annoyed at something, it is not because of the other person and what they are doing or saying. Another words, it’s not them making me feel negatively about myself or my home or family…it’s me. I am the one responsible for my own responses and feelings, not someone else. Because of that, there have been accounts that I’ve unfollowed just because it can trigger something in me that is still an issue in my heart. I’ve unfollowed a few great accounts just because I get triggered to feel negatively about my body or my home or my style or whatever. I think we have to walk with a lot of discernment and wisdom in what we allow to influence us, and again, it’s not the other person’s fault for those negative responses from me…but it’s me taking responsibility and walking in discernment about what is a good influence for me in this season of life. There have been accounts that I end up re-following eventually because it no longer triggers a negative response in me and because I have changed, not the person doing the postings.

Keeping a guard on my motivations. For the majority of the time, the things I post are done with a right intention…whether that’s just for fun or for encouragement or just because I find something beautiful or funny or interesting. But sometimes I have posted something out of the wrong heart motivation….for validation. I can tell that I’ve done it for the wrong reason when I’m overly concerned about the number of likes or comments that I get or don’t get on something, and there have been several times that I have went back into a post and deleted it just because I knew my motivation was wrong in sharing it. It’s not wrong to place a certain value on feedback or engagement, but I just don’t want any of my personal validation to come from something as fickle and changeable as an app. I don’t want to take social media too seriously…it’s just for fun!

Bonus action: I keep my Instagram app on a third home screen. I’ve found that just by having the app out of sight on my main home screen, I’m not nearly as likely or tempted to click it open when I open up my phone for something else. I use my phone to play music and obviously texting and taking photos and checking the weather an embarrassingly number of times per day (learned it from my dad, hehe), but out of sight out of mind has worked great for minimizing my time on social media.

So those are just some thoughts about navigating social media in this season of motherhood. I feel like I’ve come to a good and healthy place with it currently, but I know it’s something that does need a continual evaluation to make sure it stays it in it’s proper place and doesn’t become anything more than a hobby and an outlet…and not a validation or a quest for popularity.

I’d love to hear any thoughts you have about social media and motherhood…please share in the comments!

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